I'm Over You
by cutemara
Summary: Even seeing you with another girl would be easier than watching you die a little more every day. At least then I would know you were happy with her. Your happiness would be worth it. Your happiness would be worth everything. [one-shot, HPxGW]


Disclaimer: Don't own anything…..it all belongs to J.K.Rowling……

* * *

**I'm Over You**

* * *

Don't smile at me. Don't be nice to me. Don't look at me.

When you do, it gives me hope……and I don't want to hope, Harry.

If I let myself, it would mean there was something to look forward to…..and I have nothing to look forward to. Not concerning you.

I thought what I felt for you was just a silly crush. I thought it would go away. So I waited…but it didn't go away. You know, I'm still waiting…..and it still hasn't gone away.

I thought it had. I spent a whole year not thinking of you. I had a boyfriend and I was so happy. I thought I was finally over you. But it was too good to be true. I was so wrapped up in my own little world that I didn't realize how unhappy he was. He said that I never opened up to him…..that he felt like he was a consolation prize. He told me he couldn't bear the way my eyes followed you whenever you entered the room, the way I'd fix my hair when you were looking, the way no one else existed when you were near. I thought he was mad. I told him it was his insecurities talking. He told me he couldn't stay with me any longer. He left me.

I hated you then. I hated you so much. It felt like you had driven away the first person who had loved me for being me and not for being Ron's little sister. But now when I think of it, maybe he was right. I had hidden my feelings for you so deep that I thought they had died.

How was I to know? I couldn't see how my eyes lit up the few times you spoke to me. I couldn't see how much hurt showed on my face every time you pushed me away. All I could see was that my boyfriend had left me because he thought that I was in love with you and I hated you for it. I hated you for stealing away my happiness. I hated the pitying looks. I hated Ron's smug face when he told me he had known all along that it would happen. I hated when Hermione tried to offer comfort. What did they know? They couldn't see how much I hurt. They couldn't see how lonely I felt.

It was lucky that what happened was so close to summer. A few more weeks dealing with that and I would have gone mad. I don't even know how I answered the finals. Everything was just a blur of pain & anger and then I was leaving for a whole summer with my Aunt Helen.

That summer with my young, unmarried Aunt Helen must have been one of the best ones of my life. I came back to the Burrow with all these hopes of a future free of you. And then I saw you. You were walking back to the Burrow with your Firebolt and my heart leapt in a way it hadn't ever before. That's when I knew that I'd never gotten over you. All those feelings had only been buried. They never died. Just buried so deep that even I forgot they existed. But it all came back that day.

Everything I had ever felt for you & not known why. It all came back & the intensity of it scared me. I just hid away in my room for the rest of the summer. I don't think anyone even noticed. And then we went back to Hogwart's and it was as though nothing had ever changed. You still have shadows in your eyes, you still walk as though weighed down by the burdens of the world. You still see no one else but Ron and Hermione, you still limit yourself to the little world you share with them. But I shouldn't blame you. Not everyone has a Dark Lord out for their blood.

I've tried to forget you, you know. It hurts too much to see you. It hurts too much to want you. It hurts too much to love you and I don't want to hurt anymore. I don't want to love anymore. I just want to be free of you. But I don't think I ever will be. Not when I fall in love with you all over again every time I see you, every time I hear you speak, every time I touch you.

I just want to be near you. I want to hear you laugh. I love the way you laugh. But you don't laugh anymore. You don't even smile. Your eyes are so empty. Do you even feel anymore? Even seeing you with another girl would be easier than watching you die a little more every day. At least then I would know you were happy with her. Your happiness would be worth it.

Your happiness would be worth everything.

* * *


End file.
